John Cowan - My hammer

The abuse and violence in New Zealand  homes is horrifying. The findings of the Glenn Inquiry released this week repeatedly says today’s abusers were yesterday’s victims and the problems are ingrained and cyclic.

When all you have is hammer, every problem looks like a nail. My hammer is parenting, and domestic violence and abuse looks very much like a nail to me.

When we train parents, even before they apply their new knowledge to their children, they apply it to themselves. They gain insights into their own parents and the way they were treated – and mistreated – as they were being brought up.  They are able to retell their own story back to themselves and it can be wonderfully cathartic and healing.

Then, of course, new parenting skills can powerfully change the way they handle their own children. When their baby cries or they are confronted with some other frustrating problem they have more options than just yelling or whacking; they can open a ‘kete’ full of better techniques.

The third way parenting courses might help reduce violence and abuse is that the skills one learns – such as communication skills and empathy – are completely transferable into adult relationships.

Making peace with your past, living peacefully with your partner and peacefully parenting your children... can you find a better hammer than that?

For more, check out theparentingplace.com