John Cowan - Problem Solving

When we see our kids spinning over some problem, we usually want to step in and solve it for them. A good alternative isto ask the types of questions that will get them thinking of their own solutions. Be warned – at the start you might get the frustration and embarrassment your child is feeling about their problem directed straight at you. Very unpleasant and unfair, but just as well you’ve got broad shoulders.

Here’s some tips:

Show them you are on their side: “I’ll help you sort it”.

Make sure their problem stays THEIR problem – don’t rescue them too readily if there is a chance they can solve it themselves.

Ask them to describe the problem – problems sometimes seem huge and can cause panicky feelings, and it can be amazing how much more manageable they seem when they are actually explained to someone else. (Don’t faint if it is a huge problem; don’t laugh if it seems silly).

rather than “What are you going to do?” look off into the distance and say, “I wonder what you could do…”. It’s putting less pressure on them.

AS ideas start to flow, don’t criticise. If you can see that then idea is flawed, or even down right stupid, you could ask, “What might happen if you did that?” Let them play it out in their imagination. Their first idea might not be any good, but their second or third might be a ripper. “Have you got anyother suggestions?”

Of course, we’ll be itching to give our advice. Offer it, but don’t force it on them. “I’ve got some ideas if you want them.”

Ultimately, helping your children to solve their own  problems is far   more useful that you solving them for them..  Remember, you are a coach.

For more check out parentingplace.nz

About John

John has been with The Parenting Place (www.theparentingplace.com) for seventeen years as their senior writer and presenter.  He had various roles working with youth and families prior to that but actually started his working life as a scientist in neurophysiology at Auckland Hospital.  As well as writing and speaking, John is frequently on radio and television.