John Cowan - Your Home Is Bugged

You home is bugged: two microphones and two cameras per child. They are watching us, listening to everything, especially the things we say about them, and it impacts them.  If they overhear us expressing doubt about their ability (saying, “He won’t be able to do that”) then, you will be proved completely correct. They won’t be able to do it. Their confidence will be washed away by our words. If they hear us say things like, “She’d be too scared to do that”, again, your prediction will confirmed: their fear will flare up. Our pronouncements – ‘he’s naughty’, ‘he’s not as clever as his sister’, ‘she wouldn’t like that’ – have a powerful impact on our kids.

Our children will, unfortunately, hear lots of negative things during their lives  –  criticisms and put downs  – and they will probably handle most of pretty well. They can erect defences and deflect much of that negativity. But they are defenceless against us. Words from a parent seem to cut straight into their egos and change their opinion of themselves. Even those of us with good parents – and I had lovely parents  – can probably recall things they yelled at us when they were cross and frustrated (“Are you thick or something‽”) and we’ve stored those words in some dark little corner of our psyche; and when we are feeling a bit low and depressed we can pull those words out and beat ourselves with them.

Fortunately, the flipside is also true – when children overhear us speaking positively and proudly about them, it is an amazing  what a tonic it is to their self esteem. So, take care with how you speak about your kids. Even when they are still babies and toddlers and you think they can’t understand you, get into the habit of only speaking positive and affirming things about them.  Probably, at every age, they are picking up far more from us than we think.

For more check out theparentinglace.com.